Orla's Birth Story

Orla was born on Wednesday 24 July at 6.50 am; her birth story though, starts a good few hours earlier, at least 48 hours earlier.

Orla is E’s and G’s first baby, and my second “doula baby” (even if I feel as if she is my first “doula baby” again, for the path that I had to follow this time).

Orla’s due date was the 22 of July. At 6.50 am on that day, my daughter Elisabetta came into my bedroom to wake me up, telling me it was time to get up, I told her it was a bit early, but she insisted. She was right, 1 minute after I got a text from E, telling me that she started having mild contractions during the night at around 1.30 am, that these were now stronger and closer (15 mins apart) so it would be a good idea to head to hers soon. I had been on call for two weeks already, sleeping with my mobile phone on my bedside table, and when I got the text I obviously thought my daughter had some kind of sixth sense. I got quite excited. I was glad that text arrived just then and not 12 hours earlier because I hadn’t been well! I had breakfast with my family and then texted E to tell her I’d be on my way in half an hour, but contractions had slowed down, so we decided to wait a bit more and I headed to E’s and G’s soon after 9 am.

The morning passed between a chat, some stronger contractions, some music, we had lunch, watched a funny movie together. Contractions were closer but still a bit “uncoordinated” (as we learned to describe them afterwards). E’s midwife (MW), A, who was due to come for a visit that day, called her and came later with a student MW, F. She made the usual checks and they stayed for a couple of hours. The atmosphere was really good, I already knew A because she had been my MW, so staying side by side with someone I knew, while taking care of “my” mum, felt perfect. E was in the very early stages of labour, so A went away advising E to keep doing what she was doing but also to get some rest, because baby wasn’t coming anytime soon (little we knew that she was so right!) and she would need to be rested when the time would come for her to push. While E was resting I had the chance to get to know G a bit better (since we had only met once previously), we watched some TV, we chatted about various things and this was really good. A few hours passed and as the weather was nice, E and G decided it was a good idea to dine in the back garden and have a BBQ (and thanks to them I discovered that I love halloumi). After dinner, as labour looked still quite slow E and G told me I might go home to spend a couple of hours with my daughters and Ale, and so I did. We agreed I would go back to them around 1.30/2 am but I got a text from G at half past midnight telling me that contractions got very close so it would be better to be there ASAP.

I made my way to them. After a while also A and F arrived and stayed with us for a couple of hours.  More than 12 hours had passed from E’s first proper contractions but she was  just 2 cm dilated, even if her contractions were a lot stronger and closer now. A and F left around 4.30 am and told E to go to bed and try to get some proper rest. There was still a long way to go and E was starting to be tired. We all went to bed (wow, my first night away from Betta and Tilda since they were born). I woke up around 7 and half an hour later E and G came downstairs. Contractions were still irregular (or uncoordinated) but still there. E and G went for a walk, and I decided not to join them so that they could have some more “couple time”.

Meanwhile I texted my Doula mentor (bless her for her help!) who gave me some advice on how to help E’s labour. The evening before after dinner I had a chat with E and she told me how she would have loved a bit of rain, “I really like the sound of the rain in the conservatory”, she said, well it looks like the weather God listened to her as a very heavy rain (a proper thunderstorm) started on Tuesday morning after they came home from their walk. I don’t know if it was the rain or the circuit of positions and activities that E was doing to build up her contractions, but her waters broke, and this was a good turning point!

E was beautiful, and even if she was tired she looked beautiful and, as I told her, very young. I couldn’t stop looking at her and thinking she looked a 20 years old girl.

During the time spent with E and G, I texted Ale a few times to know how Betta and Tilda were doing, and he kept giving me great support.

E called the hospital again to say that her waters had broken and an hour after A and F arrived again. A checked E. 3 cm, E was a bit disappointed (who wouldn’t be after all those hours?) but we tried to keep our spirits up, I kept encouraging her, telling her not to think too much of the centimeters (easier said than done, I know!). A few more hours, a few more tunes, some clary sage oil, some food, but labour was still slow. A told E that she could see she was really tired, and as there were still a good few hours to go, it was probably wise to think of going to the hospital, get some diamorphine, rest and then take it from there. Meanwhile though, she said she could go into the birth pool for half an hour before we headed to the hospital. E was really happy about going into the pool.

She had been in labour for more than 30 hours by then, so she agreed in transferring to the hospital. The ambulance came for her and I went to the hospital by car with F.

Once in hospital, A “handed” E to the hospital midwives and she and F left. Every time I meet A I realize what a great woman and midwife she is. And it has been fantastic for me to “work” with her.

Being in a hospital setting is sometimes upsetting for me, but I was there for E and G and I knew I had to put my personal feelings on the matter, aside. I also texted again my mentor to update her, and I could never be grateful enough for her words of support.

E has then been given some diamorphine to help her to sleep. I decided it was wise to leave E and G on their own and headed downstairs. As we had been told she was probably going to sleep for 2/3 hours, G texted me from the ward and told me that if I wanted I might go home for a few hours to stay with my family. I went upstairs, gave G some time to go for a coffee and to get some fresh air and then I left.

It was 4 pm when I left the hospital and we agreed that I would be back for 7pm. I was happy about going home for a few hours. I cannot deny it, whilst I was so glad to be with E and G, I was also missing my girls, and things were taking longer than expected. I think tiredness was starting to kick in for me too (not counting the roller-coaster of emotions)  and during the journey from the hospital to my house, my head was full of thoughts, I thought of what I could do to help E, I thought that (and I don’t even know why I thought it!!) maybe E and G didn’t want me there any more but that they felt bad about telling me, I thought that I didn’t know how much more time I was able to stay, I thought that maybe I hadn’t ben the right support, I thought a million different things (and most of them pretty silly)!

Arriving home to my girls was good; I stopped thinking and just had lots of cuddles. Even if I knew that Betta and Tilda were in dad’s safe hands, still during all the time away, I thought a lot of them, I was missing them, this was the first time they would wake up and I wouldn’t be there (for two days in a row) and I can’t deny I thought of it a lot.

It wasn’t 5pm yet when G called saying if I could go back to the hospital straight away instead of at 7. I got ready to leave in 5 minutes (while my daughters kept asking me if I was going to “see a baby being born”). I then saw that G had also texted me to say that they needed me there ASAP. I think I will never delete that text from my phone: all my silly thoughts about them not wanting me and me not offering the right support just disappeared.

E had been checked at 4.45 and since her contractions worked well while she was trying to rest, she was now 4 to 5 cm dilated, and she was transferred to the labor ward. Her baby heartbeat was fine and she was doing well without induction, so she got the room with the birth pool, and I was so happy when I arrived there and heard the sound of the water filling up the birth pool, things were taking a good turn. She was due to be checked again at 8.45. She spent some time in the pool and some time out, the warm water was making her sleepy, so we kept chatting, listening to music, drinking tea (not E though), etc. At 8 pm the new MW came in, and even if I didn’t dislike the first MW who was with us, the new arrival was like fresh air for me (or maybe for all of us). She has been a fantastic help, really supporting and so caring. E used gas & air during all this time, and it was at some points even funny to see how she wanted to make sure that it was always within arm’s reach.

At 8.45 pm E was 6/7 cm. Without induction. It was taking a long time for her body to open, but contractions were working. The doctor agreed on giving E another couple of hours to get to full dilation. Her next check would have been at 10.45 pm.

More time passed and E rested a bit, stood, walked, danced with G; She was really doing everything she could to help things to progress naturally.

At 10.45 E was 8 cm. She was tired, but keen to keep going after almost 48 hours from her first mild contractions; she was getting really close to see her baby.

The atmosphere in the room was great, the MW was cheerful and supportive, I like to think of her as the perfect “auntie”. She was nice and, as also G and myself, she believed in E’s capacity to birth vaginally.

E’s next check was now at 00.45 am. She was 9 cm. There was a rim that prevented the baby’s head to move, and baby wasn’t in the right position. She was transverse.

Induction was the next step. The syntocinon drip was started to help E to progress but when she was checked again at 2.45 the baby was still transverse and she hadn’t reached 10cm.

E was getting really tired. And so G and I. The doctor came in and told E that although the trace showed that the baby was totally fine, her contractions kept being uncoordinated and she would recommend her to go for a C-section. I shivered. I don’t love hospitals, and I have very strong feelings related to C- section (even if sometimes surgery is life saving, I still have my opinion). E asked if we could a few minutes on our own to have a chat, doctor agreed, but she wanted to be sure that we had all understood that her recommendation was to go for a C-section. When the doctor came back in E asked her for some more time and doctor agreed, saying that if things weren’t any better though it was her firm belief that she should go for a section. Doctor gave E another hour.

When the doctor left I went to the toilet and had a good cry. The word C-section had been said, I felt I was letting down E. I felt that if the system was failing her, we should do something to prevent it. I have been there and know how hard it is for many women to emotionally deal with a C-section, during and after the baby’s birth. Even so, I was there to give (and giving) my full support to Elaine, no matter what she decided to do.

E was really discouraged by now. She asked the MW if she could check her rather than waiting on the doctor again, but the MW said it was better not to. E then asked to be off the drip, it was becoming too painful for her, and she was already sure they’d take her for a section no matter what. I know the feeling, and I couldn’t believe this was happening. When the MW told E that she would still leave the cannulae in her hand, “just in case”, E, answered that she was going to need it (meaning that she thought she was going to have a C-section). I told E that she wouldn’t need it, but she answered, “Yes I will need it.” It is at this point that I really felt G and I had joined forces to really support E in the best way ever. Even if we were getting tired too. Even if G was feeling dizzy for the sleep deprivation. I “annoyed” E asking her to stay on all fours or on her left side to help the baby to get into the right position. I knew that probably E was thinking these were all useless things, and I was maybe even risking getting on her nerves. But I felt as if she was giving up and I knew, because she had told me, what she wanted from childbirth, I knew how hard she had been working in the past two days, and I knew that I would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t been a bit “pushy”. 3.45 am came and went, the doctor was in theatre so she couldn’t be with us for another hour probably. That hour luckily became almost two hours, and when the doctor arrived after 5am and checked her, E was 10 cm, but the baby was still transverse, so we negotiated for another hour. After that, the doctor was adamant, there had to be a C-section. 7 am was the limit. The doctor had given her another hour to push.

The MW said things could go well, but E needed to be on the drip, because even if she was 10 cm the baby wouldn’t get in the right position since her contractions had slowed down. E wasn’t very happy about it, and in her mind she was still ending up in theatre. Again after a chat among E, G and I, E said she would go on the drip again, but she didn’t want a high dose because it was too sore. I went to speak to the MW, who agreed on keeping the dose slightly lower, but not as low as E wanted. She has been truly honest to me, and this helped me a lot in giving the right support in that exact moment, to E. I saw G giving her not only the love that a husband feels for his wife, but giving her really the perfect support at this stage. She couldn’t have done it without him.

Half an hour after the baby’s head was in the right position and E felt she wanted to push. MW agreed, and asked E to give all she could.

I have read and I know that “it is good to keep a very calm and relaxed atmosphere” when a mother is giving birth, but what E wanted was strong encouragement. And I think that at this point G and I really gave her our best, we supported every push telling her to keep going, and the MW prompted us to do it even more. These words might sound strange referred to a labour room, but for a moment I felt as if G, the MW and I were a crowd of football fans, supporting their team during penalties (can’t keep my love for football too hidden, can I?). And E scored all of them! She started pushing at 6.05 am and at 6.50 am Orla was born. The excitement in the air only a second after her birth is indescribable, oxytocin was definitely everywhere.

I couldn’t hold my tears any more, I wanted to cry out loud some hours before when she had been told to go for a section, but it wouldn’t have been helpful at all. Now I could let my joyful tears run freely.

Orla was perfect, and absolutely one of the most beautiful newborns I have ever seen. She cried straight away. E had immediate skin-to-skin with her (and it has been so heartwarming to see E quickly getting rid of her gown to share with her baby those wonderful first moments), and she latched on within seconds. It looked as if Orla had done it before. We were happy and excited, even the midwife who, as she told me before, had seen thousand of babies being born.

Baby was checked, pictures were taken and the doctor came to congratulate the new parents.

It was time for me to leave. Time to let E, G and Orla start their wonderful life as a family, and enjoy their babymoon. 

I feel blessed. I do.

Because I have witnessed again the miracle of childbirth.

Because I have had once more the proof that with the right support a woman can give birth how she dreams to.

Because I have witnessed the great love of a husband for her wife.

Because I have seen a woman giving all she could, and even more, to bring her child into this world in the best possible way.

Because I’ve seen this woman dealing with pain for two full days and never complaining about it, not a single time.

Because I’ve seen her almost giving up and then still fighting for what she wanted.

Because I’ve seen her wonderful smile when she has seen her daughter for the first time.

Because I’ve seen the tears of joy of Orla’s dad.

Because I’ve learned (even more) how much I love my family, and how important is my husband to me. 

Because I have been chosen to be there, and this experience has taught me so much.