Orla
was born on Wednesday 24 July at 6.50 am; her birth story though, starts a good
few hours earlier, at least 48 hours earlier.
Orla
is E’s and G’s first baby, and my second “doula baby” (even if I feel as if she
is my first “doula baby” again, for the path that I had to follow this time).
Orla’s
due date was the 22 of July. At 6.50 am on that day, my daughter Elisabetta
came into my bedroom to wake me up, telling me it was time to get up, I told
her it was a bit early, but she insisted. She was right, 1 minute after I got a
text from E, telling me that she started having mild contractions during the
night at around 1.30 am, that these were now stronger and closer (15 mins
apart) so it would be a good idea to head to hers soon. I had been on call for
two weeks already, sleeping with my mobile phone on my bedside table, and when
I got the text I obviously thought my daughter had some kind of sixth sense. I
got quite excited. I was glad that text arrived just then and not 12 hours
earlier because I hadn’t been well! I had breakfast with my family and then
texted E to tell her I’d be on my way in half an hour, but contractions had
slowed down, so we decided to wait a bit more and I headed to E’s and G’s soon
after 9 am.
The
morning passed between a chat, some stronger contractions, some music, we had
lunch, watched a funny movie together. Contractions were closer but still a bit
“uncoordinated” (as we learned to describe them afterwards). E’s midwife (MW),
A, who was due to come for a visit that day, called her and came later with a
student MW, F. She made the usual checks and they stayed for a couple of hours.
The atmosphere was really good, I already knew A because she had been my MW, so
staying side by side with someone I knew, while taking care of “my” mum, felt
perfect. E was in the very early stages of labour, so A went away advising E to
keep doing what she was doing but also to get some rest, because baby wasn’t
coming anytime soon (little we knew that she was so right!) and she would need
to be rested when the time would come for her to push. While E was resting I
had the chance to get to know G a bit better (since we had only met once
previously), we watched some TV, we chatted about various things and this was
really good. A few hours passed and as the weather was nice, E and G decided it
was a good idea to dine in the back garden and have a BBQ (and thanks to them I
discovered that I love halloumi). After dinner, as labour looked still quite
slow E and G told me I might go home to spend a couple of hours with my
daughters and Ale, and so I did. We agreed I would go back to them around
1.30/2 am but I got a text from G at half past midnight telling me that
contractions got very close so it would be better to be there ASAP.
I
made my way to them. After a while also A and F arrived and stayed with us for
a couple of hours. More than 12 hours had passed from E’s first
proper contractions but she was just 2 cm
dilated, even if her contractions were a lot stronger and closer now. A and F
left around 4.30 am and told E to go to bed and try to get some proper rest.
There was still a long way to go and E was starting to be tired. We all went to
bed (wow, my first night away from Betta and Tilda since they were born). I
woke up around 7 and half an hour later E and G came downstairs. Contractions
were still irregular (or uncoordinated) but still there. E and G went for a
walk, and I decided not to join them so that they could have some more “couple
time”.
Meanwhile
I texted my Doula mentor (bless her for her help!) who gave me some advice on
how to help E’s labour. The evening before after dinner I had a chat with E and
she told me how she would have loved a bit of rain, “I really like the sound of
the rain in the conservatory”, she said, well it looks like the weather God
listened to her as a very heavy rain (a proper thunderstorm) started on Tuesday
morning after they came home from their walk. I don’t know if it was the rain
or the circuit of positions and activities that E was doing to build up her
contractions, but her waters broke, and this was a good turning point!
E
was beautiful, and even if she was tired she looked beautiful and, as I told
her, very young. I couldn’t stop looking at her and thinking she looked a 20
years old girl.
During
the time spent with E and G, I texted Ale a few times to know how Betta and
Tilda were doing, and he kept giving me great support.
E
called the hospital again to say that her waters had broken and an hour after A
and F arrived again. A checked E. 3 cm, E was a bit disappointed (who wouldn’t
be after all those hours?) but we tried to keep our spirits up, I kept
encouraging her, telling her not to think too much of the centimeters (easier
said than done, I know!). A few more hours, a few more tunes, some clary sage
oil, some food, but labour was still slow. A told E that she could see she was
really tired, and as there were still a good few hours to go, it was probably
wise to think of going to the hospital, get some diamorphine, rest and then
take it from there. Meanwhile though, she said she could go into the birth pool
for half an hour before we headed to the hospital. E was really happy about
going into the pool.
She
had been in labour for more than 30 hours by then, so she agreed in
transferring to the hospital. The ambulance came for her and I went to the
hospital by car with F.
Once
in hospital, A “handed” E to the hospital midwives and she and F left. Every
time I meet A I realize what a great woman and midwife she is. And it has been
fantastic for me to “work” with her.
Being
in a hospital setting is sometimes upsetting for me, but I was there for E and
G and I knew I had to put my personal feelings on the matter, aside. I also
texted again my mentor to update her, and I could never be grateful enough for
her words of support.
E
has then been given some diamorphine to help her to sleep. I decided it was
wise to leave E and G on their own and headed downstairs. As we had been told
she was probably going to sleep for 2/3 hours, G texted me from the ward and
told me that if I wanted I might go home for a few hours to stay with my
family. I went upstairs, gave G some time to go for a coffee and to get some
fresh air and then I left.
It
was 4 pm when I left the hospital and we agreed that I would be back for 7pm. I
was happy about going home for a few hours. I cannot deny it, whilst I was so
glad to be with E and G, I was also missing my girls, and things were taking
longer than expected. I think tiredness was starting to kick in for me too (not
counting the roller-coaster of emotions)
and during the journey from the hospital to my house, my head was full
of thoughts, I thought of what I could do to help E, I thought that (and I
don’t even know why I thought it!!) maybe E and G didn’t want me there any more
but that they felt bad about telling me, I thought that I didn’t know how much
more time I was able to stay, I thought that maybe I hadn’t ben the right
support, I thought a million different things (and most of them pretty silly)!
Arriving
home to my girls was good; I stopped thinking and just had lots of cuddles. Even
if I knew that Betta and Tilda were in dad’s safe hands, still during all the
time away, I thought a lot of them, I was missing them, this was the first time
they would wake up and I wouldn’t be there (for two days in a row) and I can’t
deny I thought of it a lot.
It
wasn’t 5pm yet when G called saying if I could go back to the hospital straight
away instead of at 7. I got ready to leave in 5 minutes (while my daughters
kept asking me if I was going to “see a baby being born”). I then saw that G
had also texted me to say that they needed me there ASAP. I think I will never
delete that text from my phone: all my silly thoughts about them not wanting me
and me not offering the right support just disappeared.
E
had been checked at 4.45 and since her contractions worked well while she was
trying to rest, she was now 4 to 5 cm dilated, and she was transferred to the
labor ward. Her baby heartbeat was fine and she was doing well without
induction, so she got the room with the birth pool, and I was so happy when I
arrived there and heard the sound of the water filling up the birth pool,
things were taking a good turn. She was due to be checked again at 8.45. She
spent some time in the pool and some time out, the warm water was making her
sleepy, so we kept chatting, listening to music, drinking tea (not E though),
etc. At 8 pm the new MW came in, and even if I didn’t dislike the first MW who
was with us, the new arrival was like fresh air for me (or maybe for all of
us). She has been a fantastic help, really supporting and so caring. E used gas
& air during all this time, and it was at some points even funny to see how
she wanted to make sure that it was always within arm’s reach.
At
8.45 pm E was 6/7 cm. Without induction. It was taking a long time for her body
to open, but contractions were working. The doctor agreed on giving E another
couple of hours to get to full dilation. Her next check would have been at
10.45 pm.
More
time passed and E rested a bit, stood, walked, danced with G; She was really
doing everything she could to help things to progress naturally.
At
10.45 E was 8 cm. She was tired, but keen to keep going after almost 48 hours
from her first mild contractions; she was getting really close to see her baby.
The
atmosphere in the room was great, the MW was cheerful and supportive, I like to
think of her as the perfect “auntie”. She was nice and, as also G and myself,
she believed in E’s capacity to birth vaginally.
E’s
next check was now at 00.45 am. She was 9 cm. There was a rim that prevented
the baby’s head to move, and baby wasn’t in the right position. She was
transverse.
Induction
was the next step. The syntocinon drip was started to help E to progress but
when she was checked again at 2.45 the baby was still transverse and she hadn’t
reached 10cm.
E
was getting really tired. And so G and I. The doctor came in and told E that
although the trace showed that the baby was totally fine, her contractions kept
being uncoordinated and she would recommend her to go for a C-section. I
shivered. I don’t love hospitals, and I have very strong feelings related to C-
section (even if sometimes surgery is life saving, I still have my opinion). E
asked if we could a few minutes on our own to have a chat, doctor agreed, but
she wanted to be sure that we had all understood that her recommendation was to
go for a C-section. When the doctor came back in E asked her for some more time
and doctor agreed, saying that if things weren’t any better though it was her
firm belief that she should go for a section. Doctor gave E another hour.
When
the doctor left I went to the toilet and had a good cry. The word C-section had
been said, I felt I was letting down E. I felt that if the system was failing
her, we should do something to prevent it. I have been there and know how hard
it is for many women to emotionally deal with a C-section, during and after the
baby’s birth. Even so, I was there to give (and giving) my full support to
Elaine, no matter what she decided to do.
E
was really discouraged by now. She asked the MW if she could check her rather
than waiting on the doctor again, but the MW said it was better not to. E then
asked to be off the drip, it was becoming too painful for her, and she was
already sure they’d take her for a section no matter what. I know the feeling,
and I couldn’t believe this was happening. When the MW told E that she would
still leave the cannulae in her hand, “just in case”, E, answered that she was
going to need it (meaning that she thought she was going to have a C-section).
I told E that she wouldn’t need it, but she answered, “Yes I will need it.” It is
at this point that I really felt G and I had joined forces to really support E
in the best way ever. Even if we were getting tired too. Even if G was feeling
dizzy for the sleep deprivation. I “annoyed” E asking her to stay on all fours
or on her left side to help the baby to get into the right position. I knew
that probably E was thinking these were all useless things, and I was maybe
even risking getting on her nerves. But I felt as if she was giving up and I
knew, because she had told me, what she wanted from childbirth, I knew how hard
she had been working in the past two days, and I knew that I would have never
forgiven myself if I hadn’t been a bit “pushy”. 3.45 am came and went, the
doctor was in theatre so she couldn’t be with us for another hour probably.
That hour luckily became almost two hours, and when the doctor arrived after
5am and checked her, E was 10 cm, but the baby was still transverse, so we
negotiated for another hour. After that, the doctor was adamant, there had to
be a C-section. 7 am was the limit. The doctor had given her another hour to
push.
The
MW said things could go well, but E needed to be on the drip, because even if
she was 10 cm the baby wouldn’t get in the right position since her
contractions had slowed down. E wasn’t very happy about it, and in her mind she
was still ending up in theatre. Again after a chat among E, G and I, E said she
would go on the drip again, but she didn’t want a high dose because it was too
sore. I went to speak to the MW, who agreed on keeping the dose slightly lower,
but not as low as E wanted. She has been truly honest to me, and this helped me
a lot in giving the right support in that exact moment, to E. I saw G giving
her not only the love that a husband feels for his wife, but giving her really
the perfect support at this stage. She couldn’t have done it without him.
Half
an hour after the baby’s head was in the right position and E felt she wanted
to push. MW agreed, and asked E to give all she could.
I
have read and I know that “it is good to keep a very calm and relaxed
atmosphere” when a mother is giving birth, but what E wanted was strong
encouragement. And I think that at this point G and I really gave her our best,
we supported every push telling her to keep going, and the MW prompted us to do
it even more. These words might sound strange referred to a labour room, but
for a moment I felt as if G, the MW and I were a crowd of football fans,
supporting their team during penalties (can’t keep my love for football too
hidden, can I?). And E scored all of them! She started pushing at 6.05 am and
at 6.50 am Orla was born. The excitement in the air only a second after her
birth is indescribable, oxytocin was definitely everywhere.
I
couldn’t hold my tears any more, I wanted to cry out loud some hours before
when she had been told to go for a section, but it wouldn’t have been helpful
at all. Now I could let my joyful tears run freely.
Orla
was perfect, and absolutely one of the most beautiful newborns I have ever
seen. She cried straight away. E had immediate skin-to-skin with her (and it
has been so heartwarming to see E quickly getting rid of her gown to share with
her baby those wonderful first moments), and she latched on within seconds. It
looked as if Orla had done it before. We were happy and excited, even the
midwife who, as she told me before, had seen thousand of babies being born.
Baby
was checked, pictures were taken and the doctor came to congratulate the new
parents.
It
was time for me to leave. Time to let E, G and Orla start their wonderful life
as a family, and enjoy their babymoon.
I feel blessed. I do.
Because I have witnessed again the miracle of childbirth.
Because I have had once more the proof that with the right support a woman can give birth how she dreams to.
Because I have witnessed the great love of a husband for her wife.
Because I have seen a woman giving all she could, and even more, to bring her child into this world in the best possible way.
Because I’ve seen this woman dealing with pain for two full days and never complaining about it, not a single time.
Because I’ve seen her almost giving up and then still fighting for what she wanted.
Because I’ve seen her wonderful smile when she has seen her daughter for the first time.
Because I’ve seen the tears of joy of Orla’s dad.
Because I’ve learned (even more) how much I love my family, and how important is my husband to me.
